Like many, I start with the obvious things to be thankful for. This is the easy part, but all the same, important in the overall picture. I am thankful for parents who support me, financially and emotionally; I'm thankful for an apartment in Davis that provides me a good place to feel safe and productive; I'm thankful for the opportunity to go back to school in a season in which some are not able to even go to school once; I'm thankful for water, electricity, internet, my computer.
Then I think about some of the less obvious things, as in things that we really can't see with our eyes, but really feel with out heart. Truthfully, I know I am really, really thankful when I see things with my heart. Things on this list include:
- I am thankful for parents who not only offer "physical support" as in financially, but more so for there constant cheerleader force on the bench of life
- I am thankful for a younger brother who will always annoy me but who I will love and will love me more than the annoyance
- I am truly thankful for that feeling I get while teaching a simple lesson to a group of simple second graders that really makes me feel like I am investing my efforts and energy into what God is really calling me to
- I am deeply thankful for friends who have become family, through thick and thin
- I am thankful for a cohort of colleagues who I have grown to appreciate not just as a group, but as individual people
- I am thankful for a clean apartment to inspire inward cleanliness
- I am thankful for spending holidays, days, time and effort with family.
- I am thankful for perspective that comes with time. I have been able to really seen friendships, myself, and life grow with the gift of time.
And perhaps even harder than recognizing the heart-things to be thankful for, it is even harder to recognize and be thankful for those times that really drain us and are challenging. This list is hard, and even as I'm blogging about being thankful, I am having a hard time pinpointing some example of this. It is no mystery (but if it is at this point, I'm going through a cuh-ray ray program to get my teaching credential right now) but I get tired during this shenanigan. There have been points where I have felt that I am growing as a teacher, as a person, in my relationship with God, in life in general. It is one of the strangest things to be thankful for because when I feel like this it often looks a little like this:
It is a dark night. I've been running on fewer and fewer hours of sleep. I'm tired of drinking coffee because I have had way too much and it is no longer making me feel productive. I'm so tired and I have so much to do that I'm paralyzed in my attempts of productivity. And yet, all I want to do is talk to some of my loved ones and let them hear about just what is going on both physically and emotionally.Perhaps I didn't make it clear....but essentially I'm a mess. I feel like a frazzled, frizzled, hairy mess at this point. When I finally collect myself enough to reflect, I realize that I'm wrestling with what I call "Growing Pains" (... and you thought it was just a cheesy 90s sitcom or an adolescent growth term) But really, to be thankful in those times is NOT an easy feat. I have no idea how I'm able to recognize it let alone give thanks to it... but some how I do....
And perhaps something that is especially striking to us as all times but is not always easy to recognize is God. Often times I feel it is so easy and obvious to be thankful for what we see. Even perhaps what we feel. And often sometimes the things that bring uncomfortable angst up in ourselves. Sometimes, and please don't misunderstand me, I think it is even easy to be thankful for God. It almost makes it seem as though God were like a pair of warm socks on a cold night. Or being thankful for food on a table. Or being thankful for school supplies. What is often harder for me, and maybe for others, is to be thankful to God. I've tried to take some moments over these past few days with out the major distraction of school to really think about what it means to really be thankful to God. I haven't come to any major conclusions and words haven't really formulated for what I think this might mean. However, I am sure that it means recognizing God for all these things that I've found it "easy" to recognize. Big, small, obvious, hidden, challenging and welcoming. It all belongs to God.
So in this season of thanksgiving, what is it that you are thankful for?