As someone who has intentionally and professionally chosen an altered "year" calendar... I still find myself thinking through the past calendar year and thinking about the good, the bad, the in between, and the life that happened all mixed throughout. I've grown accustomed to using the school year calendar (August-June) to make new goals for myself as that is how my brain is programmed to keep track of time and events. For those of you out of school... do you ever fully stop using a school calendar to think about life?!? It just seems like something that we are all used to because that is how we got our start....
Anyway, needless to say, I've found myself making some new-year-flavored goals over the past week or so. And really, its more of a "think-about-this-past-year-and-weave-what-I've-learned-into-2013" sorta thing. I get weary around using the term "goals" especially with New Year's timed resolutions... I've had many years to practice these and my record for maintaining them was all the way through June...and that was just to remember to take my vitamins everyday! =/
Anyway, this year has been quite eventful, especially life-eventful. The two biggest markers that immediately come to mind was Gurley passing away in March, and me ***FINALLY*** getting my teaching credential!!! You can imagine, two pretty big events with lots of mixed emotions thrown in the mix. While I can sit here and remind you of all the good, bad and emotional that went on with those two events (read past blogs if you're so inclined) I thought it would be better to share with you what I have continuously learned this year and why it will remain my top priority in 2013.
Every year, and life for that matter, is full of those "type" of events, those extreme ones in some case or another, that typically become timeline markers throughout the year. But as I think beyond those events, I can't help but think how the only way all things are manageable are because of the friends and family that get you through and walk through them with you and celebrate when it is time to celebrate and let you lean on them when you just can't lean on yourself anymore. This year was a HUGE blessing in building, strengthening, and maintaining relationships with friends and family. What I've learned is that when my focus is on those around me, real life comes into that and fills the gaps.
Because this is a bit of year-in-review post, here are some highlight pictures from this year!
The year started out right with great friends and great laughs!
Winter Camp 2012 with these love bugs!
Day adventures for girl time!
Born in the '80s so let's celebrate in the '80s! Love this girlie!
Spring Break Adventures with the one and only Sugartits Sugatits TITS!!
These two helped immensely to get to the finish line in the program!
We did it! Time to celebrate baseball style!!!!
ALWAYS time for a Giants game! What a good year for them as well!!!
Baseball game with the family
Lots to celebrate this year- Congrats Coco!
The Nest and Dinosaur Land! Three Legged Dog Relaxing vacation 2012!
Best Week at Frontier Ranch with these girls!!! You are ALL going big places in life!
Finally got to go to La Quinta with my aunties and cousins from the 21+ crowd! Such a special weekend!
Extra fun cousin time!
Happy and wonderful colorful co-workers!!
Roomie is getting MARRIED!!!!
Mexico 2012- GIRLS WEEKEND TO CELEBRATE THE BRIDE TO BE!!!
Congrats to the MRS!
And that's just the tip of the ice berg! So as you can see its the people that get you through the timeline markers. 2012 was evidence enough for me! So here's to a 2013 in which the value of relationships goes nowhere but up!
Well hello there.... long time no tal...er...read! It has been a busy, busy summer with tons of fun and good memories thrown in there and some down time in between things! Just in case you were wondering... here's the legit and quick breakdown of what this summer has been from a calendar standpoint:
1. Graduate from Sac State
2. $ub
3. San Diego part 1 for Cori's high school graduation
4. La Quinta/ San Diego part 2 for Girls weekend a partial family reunion
5. Beach House weekend with friends!!!!
6. Frontier Ranch with some of the best junior high girls EVER!
7. Palm Desert adventures at the Nest and Dino Land with Sam and Sara
8. Breakway crazy day camp with cute 1st graders!
9. Olympics and pool parties
10. Neil Diamond's magical concert experience
Throw in some house sitting, pool time, river floats, card games and you've got a recipe for a fantastic summer of great memories and even greater friends!
But what else is life right now? I went back to San Ramon for a few days and had not a lot to do.. With both parents working hard all day, I had no one around to entertain/annoy depending on who you ask! ;) I started to do a puzzle because I haven't done a puzzle in what feels like AGES! I don't mean a wooden puzzle with a kindergartener, but a real one. With 1,000+ pieces, tiny pieces, similar colors and shades... that kind of puzzle. There is something about being in college where space is a premium that makes it hard to dedicate an entire table surface to completing a puzzle when you or one of your many roommates might need it for a late night paper writing session.
Anyway, back to San Ramon puzzle-doing.... I sat down at the dining room table where all puzzles are built at Cree Court! As I was sitting there, turning over pieces, separating edges from non-edges, starting to think about the colors of the puzzle (because piece shapes were not going to help me with this one!) and looking for matching pieces (you know the ones where the innies and the outties matched up and the colors made it obvious) and I just started to relax a little. I'm a complete, self admitted nerd when it comes to how relaxing puzzles are for me. There are nights in high school where my family and I would start a puzzle and I would sacrifice precious teenage sleep to find that "one-more-piece." So my brain is relaxing and I just started to think about how doing a puzzle was particularly fitting to where my life is at right now.
This summer has been nothing but connecting pieces together. I don't have an apartment in Davis right now, but somehow God had this awesome plan for me to stay and house sit all summer. And the weeks and weekends that I didn't have a place to stay, I had summer camp, or beach houses, or generous friends to fill the gaps. All the while, I've been searching for that "what's next in life" puzzle piece. Kinda a big piece I've realized... I'm so excited about the possibility of having my own classroom but that piece of the puzzle hasn't fallen yet... and I've been given a crazy amount of patience as I wait for that to come together... definitely not my own source of patience because there is no way that I could do this on my own.
Anyway, long story short, I've realized that the "what's next" piece is actually its own mini-puzzle within the larger puzzle of life. And, I'm okay with that! When I think about being in Davis or being in San Ramon, I can get excited about different things in both places. Realizing that that is really a lucky place to be has been a huge gift. Normally, I get caught in trying to make the best decision that is perfect in every way that could possibly matter (admittedly, these things are pretty superficial, but there is some depth involved!) What I've realized is that deciding to make an adventure out of each and every day is what it is all about, no matter where I'm at from a location standpoint. So often I want the "where" of my life to matter. But the reality of it all is that no matter where I'm at or who I'm with, I will constantly be filling in pieces to the "what's next" puzzle. And in the same way that doing puzzles at the dining room table in San Ramon relaxes me, I can find and feel a sense of relaxation as I wait for the next pieces to fill in!
Also, while writing this.... these songs came on in my iTunes library... pretty fitting and it might have something small to do with the fact that I have bought all these songs within the past week!
Well, my blog-reading friends, it sure has been a while..... I was on a mighty roll with keeping the blog current with my self-proclaimed 40 Days of Gratitude challenge until life happened. And not necessarily the "crazy-busy-with-lots-of-fun" flavor of life, but in that "life-has-hard-times-too" flavor... I'll be completely honest in saying that I think about Gurley every day in some way, shape or form. I'm not going to lie, there was a part of me that didn't really know how to start blogging again... The last few posts I wrote were all about Gurley.... It feels sorta funny to start writing again and having it not be about her... or at least not being ALL about her....
So I guess there has been a big chunk of time and life that has gone by... And in that big chunk, I've been kept busier than busy at times with this credential program. I think it is safe to say that since the last time I updated... I turned in PACT (and passed it!!!!), took RICA (and passed that big guy), successfully survived my 2 week solo (and only had minimal hair loss due to stress) and officially began the 1 week countdown to graduation.... I absolutely cannot believe that in just 1 week I will be celebrating my graduation from completing my teaching credential...
I literally cannot tell you all enough how exciting and relieving this is! It has been a roller coaster ride like I never could have imagined! The roller coaster started when I was little.... One of the reasons I really, super wanted to become a teacher was because of the whiteboards. I remember sitting in Gurley and Norman's family room in their San Ramon house and one day, Gurley showed me where she kept her mini-whiteboard. I thought it was the COOLEST thing ever. EVER! And my love of whiteboards (and teaching too....) just kept growing from there. Until now.
Now there is an end in sight that marks one finish, and big, fat, whole new beginning. I walk the stage Friday as a way to show that I did it. I got the credential that the state of California decided I needed to get. But Saturday (....okay maybe a week or so after that.....) marks my start to a whole new adventure of job hunting. I'm sure that process will be draining and exhausting and invigorating and challenging all at once. But, I feel confident in the fact that in some capacity, one way or another, I will get to where God has me going.... Until then, this week is filled with lots of excitement and celebration! =)
This past week hasn't been marked so much by time, as much as it has been bookmarked by meals and restaurants. I can't quite explain to you the blur that these past 5 days have been, other than the fact that I can recall specific events that happened, certain meals that were shared, a few conversations that took place.... the rest feels quite blurry and blended together. My grandma passed away late Tuesday night. She fought till her last moment, and finally God wrapped his hands on her and brought her peace and comfort. In the crazy process that this week has been, it got me thinking about what really is time. Sure, as someone who wears a watch daily and feels nakie without it, my first instinct is to say "Time is the clock, keeps a schedule, provides some sort of common agreement; most often marked by hours and minutes." Sometimes, time becomes the number of days, weeks, months or even years we've experienced. But at what point does time blend itself into the memories that stick with you for a lifetime?
Among the calls, texts, letters, emails and hugs of support that my family and I have gotten over the past 5ish days, reminiscing and sharing in tears of laughter and tears of sadness, and talking about memories have brought an equally significant type of comfort. I'm a firm believer, and forever will be, in the fact that nothing in the world can prepare you for the emotional loss of someone significant to you. This week has proven that to me in so many ways, I couldn't even count them. As the events of the week progressed, there were random bits and pieces that I learned about a woman who I loved so much, that were a mystery to me before. While my initial brain reaction was one of regret, I found a peaceful knowledge in the fact that this woman who is so much a part of my world, had so much more in common with me than I had ever known.
We spent a lot of time looking through pictures, letters, jewelry... all those things that wrapped Gurley into her perfect Gurley-ness. We found pictures, ugly sweaters (no offense), jewelry, purses, old letters and cards.... everything that was near and dear to her heart. I found her 50th reunion high school book-thingy. One of my favorite things about her was that whenever I told her my friend drama, no matter what it was, silly or stupid, there always seemed to be some parallel in her life. I so appreciate the way she shared her friend stories with me and made me feel like her experience was just what mine was too, which brought me comfort in knowing that everything would be alrite. There are several times I remember sitting at a table or couch, telling Anyway, while I was looking at your 50th reunion book, your advice to your fellow classmates was "Live, Laugh, Love." How did we not know that we shared the same life motto? I can't make this up... I have this saying on multiple things! I truly am her grand-daughter!!!!
There are many things that will only be ours. After school talk shows, swimming during the summers (remember how I would put my goggles on, go under water, check out your water aerobic exercises, come up to the surface and "copy" you?), getting our nails done, treating my friends in the same way that you treated me (Kris loves you for it, how could she not?! Heather does too!), going miniture golfing in Castro Valley, watching Annie, and other movies for that matter (We saw Goodburger, and I also saw Love Actually with my grandma for the first time....), talking about Dancing with the Stars, school and teacher advice, helping you out at the library and getting to do the scan-books-magnitize thingy... all of these things were marked by time at some point or another, but now they are just memories we have. Memories that I will keep for forever. Gurley, I miss you tons, will love you always, and will always be your Cookie.
So, I'm deviating from my daily entries for a damn good reason, if I do say so myself.I wanted to take a bit to share with you how cool my grandma is. And I'm fully aware of the fact that you all probably think you're grandma is the coolest one there is too... but still.... My weekend and/or Spring Break took a bit of a loop on Friday afternoon when I found out that my grandma was now on Hospice care and the outlook wasn't so hot.
Honestly, I thought about the blog. But if I'm truly real with you all and myself, if I were to list the ways I've been thankful it would be purely a "head-attempts-to-make-heart-feel-this-way" sort of thing. And yes, the memories and the qualities that I'm thankful for are playing through my mind like some weird combination of a slide show and home movie, but I'm not quite ready to settle into that part yet and instead I thought I would share just a few of the things that have played throughout this weird episode.
I had the pleasure of having my grandma, Gurley (blend of "grandma" and Shirley = Gurley) living in San Ramon with me for the first 14ish years of my life. I don't think I really knew how cool it was to be able to call her after a day in 6th grade and have her pick me up, take me back to her house, watch Jenny Jones and eat popcorn with me. Or how fun it was for her to take me to get my first manicure and pedicure (something I was always jealous of her for doing) and then taking me to Office Max and letting me literally SHOP till I was ready to drop with all the paperclips, pens, pencils, etc that I got. Or how she always had an open door for my friends and I to go swim in her pool during the summer. She would always attempt to buy us new pool toys, but would always get the cheaper pool noodles that left chunks on our skin before the summer was over. And how she would always invite me over to spend the night at her house, watch Annie with me which was one of the only movies she had, and let me sleep on the big comfy chair. Why I thought sleeping on the chair was better than a couch and/or bed I have no idea. But she laid in the family room with me until it was okay for her to go back to her own room. Or even how my best friend growing up, Kristen, would ALWAYS ask about her, and how Gurley would always ask about Kris. She was constantly welcoming, always friendly, and definitely always had my favorite snacks in the cupboard.
I was trying to think of some attempt at profound statements, or
wisdom that I feel I can share, but I don't have anything. Instead...
here are just a few random pictures I found on my parents computer that
will hopefully give you the smallest glimpse into her loving sass that
she had for everyone!
Life is getting fun again lately, and today I started journaling again! It felt SO nice to get pen to paper and write without thought or worry and get it down on paper. I've loved blogging everyday, but there is something different about it. Don't get me wrong, I love the clickity clack of typing. But I also love the crinkly sound a page in a journal makes from pressing down with a ball point pen. It's oddly satisfying.
I thought about why I hadn't been journaling. And my reasons suck. A lot of it has to do with not having the time for it. And my not "having" the time for it, I really mean not making the time for it. There is a reality factor in which journaling requires time, and sometimes a lot of it depending on what's on the inside. With the craziness of school and student teaching, and trying to find time for fun stuff, it just became low on the totem pole of what I wanted to spend my time doing.
I think there is another part of me that was hoping and thinking that if I don't journal, problems will sift through themselves. SO WRONG! SO SO WRONG! There is a hope I think to wish and want for things to connect dots to themselves. However, I've learned that that is not the case and it is important to allow time to process things and get them out in some capacity.
So my Blog World Friends.... if you're feeling heavy with stuff, take some time to think about getting it out somehow. It will help!
So... Did you know that Hunger Games came out?! If you didn't... WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!?!? Last night a few friends and I went to the midnight premiere in Vacaville! It was so fun! I have to confess I haven't finished the book yet... but I am in the process of reading it and I'm not going to give up!! I will finish it and it will be fabulous! It was nice to get together with some of the girls from Teacher World and be so un-teacher-world! Yay for friends and midnite movies!
Also, this is the most AWAKE I've ever been at a midnite movie.. usually I'm asleep and wake up for the credits! I only slept for like 10 minutes! At least I think that's how long I was out! =)
