'Tis the Season to be Thankful

It might go without saying that it is the season of thanksgiving. No, not just the holiday, but the actual thanks-giving part. I've had a few days off from school which feels like a miracle in itself. But the time off, and the forced time away from all things teacher-credentialing-related has really given me a perspective on what it means to really be thankful.

Like many, I start with the obvious things to be thankful for. This is the easy part, but all the same, important in the overall picture. I am thankful for parents who support me, financially and emotionally; I'm thankful for an apartment in Davis that provides me a good place to feel safe and productive; I'm thankful for the opportunity to go back to school in a season in which some are not able to even go to school once; I'm thankful for water, electricity, internet, my computer.

Then I think about some of the less obvious things, as in things that we really can't see with our eyes, but really feel with out heart. Truthfully, I know I am really, really thankful when I see things with my heart. Things on this list include:

• I am thankful for parents who not only offer "physical support" as in financially, but more so for there constant cheerleader force on the bench of life 
• I am thankful for a younger brother who will always annoy me but who I will love and will love me more than the annoyance
• I am truly thankful for that feeling I get while teaching a simple lesson to a group of simple second graders that really makes me feel like I am investing my efforts and energy into what God is really calling me to
• I am deeply thankful for friends who have become family, through thick and thin
• I am thankful for a cohort of colleagues who I have grown to appreciate not just as a group, but as individual people
• I am thankful for a clean apartment to inspire inward cleanliness
• I am thankful for spending holidays, days, time and effort with family. 
• I am thankful for perspective that comes with time. I have been able to really seen friendships, myself, and life grow with the gift of time.

And perhaps even harder than recognizing the heart-things to be thankful for, it is even harder to recognize and be thankful for those times that really drain us and are challenging. This list is hard, and even as I'm blogging about being thankful, I am having a hard time pinpointing some example of this. It is no mystery (but if it is at this point, I'm going through a cuh-ray ray program to get my teaching credential right now) but I get tired during this shenanigan. There have been points where I have felt that I am growing as a teacher, as a person, in my relationship with God, in life in general. It is one of the strangest things to be thankful for because when I feel like this it often looks a little like this: 

It is a dark night. I've been running on fewer and fewer hours of sleep. I'm tired of drinking coffee because I have had way too much and it is no longer making me feel productive. I'm so tired and I have so much to do that I'm paralyzed in my attempts of productivity. And yet, all I want to do is talk to some of my loved ones and let them hear about just what is going on both physically and emotionally. 

Perhaps I didn't make it clear....but essentially I'm a mess. I feel like a frazzled, frizzled, hairy mess at this point. When I finally collect myself enough to reflect, I realize that I'm wrestling with what I call "Growing Pains" (... and you thought it was just a cheesy 90s sitcom or an adolescent growth term) But really, to be thankful in those times is NOT an easy feat. I have no idea how I'm able to recognize it let alone give thanks to it... but some how I do....


And perhaps something that is especially striking to us as all times but is not always easy to recognize is God. Often times I feel it is so easy and obvious to be thankful for what we see. Even perhaps what we feel. And often sometimes the things that bring uncomfortable angst up in ourselves. Sometimes, and please don't misunderstand me, I think it is even easy to be thankful for God. It almost makes it seem as though God were like a pair of warm socks on a cold night. Or being thankful for food on a table. Or being thankful for school supplies. What is often harder for me, and maybe for others, is to be thankful to God. I've tried to take some moments over these past few days with out the major distraction of school to really think about what it means to really be thankful to God. I haven't come to any major conclusions and words haven't really formulated for what I think this might mean. However, I am sure that it means recognizing God for all these things that I've found it "easy" to recognize. Big, small, obvious, hidden, challenging and welcoming. It all belongs to God.

So in this season of thanksgiving, what is it that you are thankful for?

Riding the Wave

Hello Friends,

I realized its been a LONG time since I've updated, so I thought I would take a break from my solo week preparation and give an update. I'm currently riding the wave of the final few weeks of the semester. While I could tell you all about it, I think I'll give you a Beach House reminder first....

One of favorite memories from this past summer was the weekend I got to spend in Aptos in a cozy beach house with some of the greatest people I know. We lived a weekend of fun, and ignored most of reality's implications. Here are a few pix (yes, they may be repeats, but I want you to know just how wonderful it was!) 

It was such a great weekend. Before we left our quaint little house we went and soaked up some final few moments at the beach that was a few short blocks from our rental house. I absolutely LOVE the beach, but couldn't HATE the ocean more! Weird, right? Well anyway, a group of my friends were out bobbing waves. I say bobbing because they were past the breaking point, I would see them bob higher and higher every few seconds and then watch the violent waves crash in front of me and barely hit my toes. I HATE jumping waves. I think it is miserable, and I always get motion sick and feel like I'm STILL jumping waves for hours after. 

As I watched all my friends bobbing out there, I somehow got convinced to jump and bob. Remind me always that I hate waves like that! Of course, within 2 waves out in the ocean, a HUGE wave comes up, eats me alive, and I squirm to the surface with seaweed on my face. I HATE the turmoil of jumping waves....it sucks! 

Anway....all this talk on waves because I feel like I'm riding the wave of the final few weeks of the semester... As I happily watched the waves from the security of the sand, I noticed how it would swell up, grow a little bigger, be too big to "hold," then crash over, and calmly ride its way up to the shore. The first of 2 semesters is nearly over. I'm currently swelling with lots of assignments, the most important of which is the preparation for my solo week. I'm swelling, I can handle it, and I'm hoping but kinda knowing that the crash is likely to come. But what I remember from those terrible waves at the beach that day was how they calmly ride to the shore, wet peoples toes and then the whole things starts all over again. At least that's what usually happens. 

Right after this picture was taken: 

A BIG, erm GRANDE wave came and nearly ate us alive while soaking up the beautiful sun in Costa Rica. All we could muster was "Es muy comico," as we scrounged for our blanket, and more importantly, our drinks of choice! Sometimes, you don't know when the big wave is gonna come, sometimes it sneaks up and tries to take your drink with it. Fortunately, right now I know that the big wave is coming, or that it is here. So that means I'm doing all that I can to avoid the tumultuos crash that is inevitable and gearing up for the calm part after. I can't wait for Winter Break and times with family and friends!!! =)