'Tis the Season to be Thankful

It might go without saying that it is the season of thanksgiving. No, not just the holiday, but the actual thanks-giving part. I've had a few days off from school which feels like a miracle in itself. But the time off, and the forced time away from all things teacher-credentialing-related has really given me a perspective on what it means to really be thankful.

Like many, I start with the obvious things to be thankful for. This is the easy part, but all the same, important in the overall picture. I am thankful for parents who support me, financially and emotionally; I'm thankful for an apartment in Davis that provides me a good place to feel safe and productive; I'm thankful for the opportunity to go back to school in a season in which some are not able to even go to school once; I'm thankful for water, electricity, internet, my computer.

Then I think about some of the less obvious things, as in things that we really can't see with our eyes, but really feel with out heart. Truthfully, I know I am really, really thankful when I see things with my heart. Things on this list include:

• I am thankful for parents who not only offer "physical support" as in financially, but more so for there constant cheerleader force on the bench of life 
• I am thankful for a younger brother who will always annoy me but who I will love and will love me more than the annoyance
• I am truly thankful for that feeling I get while teaching a simple lesson to a group of simple second graders that really makes me feel like I am investing my efforts and energy into what God is really calling me to
• I am deeply thankful for friends who have become family, through thick and thin
• I am thankful for a cohort of colleagues who I have grown to appreciate not just as a group, but as individual people
• I am thankful for a clean apartment to inspire inward cleanliness
• I am thankful for spending holidays, days, time and effort with family. 
• I am thankful for perspective that comes with time. I have been able to really seen friendships, myself, and life grow with the gift of time.

And perhaps even harder than recognizing the heart-things to be thankful for, it is even harder to recognize and be thankful for those times that really drain us and are challenging. This list is hard, and even as I'm blogging about being thankful, I am having a hard time pinpointing some example of this. It is no mystery (but if it is at this point, I'm going through a cuh-ray ray program to get my teaching credential right now) but I get tired during this shenanigan. There have been points where I have felt that I am growing as a teacher, as a person, in my relationship with God, in life in general. It is one of the strangest things to be thankful for because when I feel like this it often looks a little like this: 

It is a dark night. I've been running on fewer and fewer hours of sleep. I'm tired of drinking coffee because I have had way too much and it is no longer making me feel productive. I'm so tired and I have so much to do that I'm paralyzed in my attempts of productivity. And yet, all I want to do is talk to some of my loved ones and let them hear about just what is going on both physically and emotionally. 

Perhaps I didn't make it clear....but essentially I'm a mess. I feel like a frazzled, frizzled, hairy mess at this point. When I finally collect myself enough to reflect, I realize that I'm wrestling with what I call "Growing Pains" (... and you thought it was just a cheesy 90s sitcom or an adolescent growth term) But really, to be thankful in those times is NOT an easy feat. I have no idea how I'm able to recognize it let alone give thanks to it... but some how I do....


And perhaps something that is especially striking to us as all times but is not always easy to recognize is God. Often times I feel it is so easy and obvious to be thankful for what we see. Even perhaps what we feel. And often sometimes the things that bring uncomfortable angst up in ourselves. Sometimes, and please don't misunderstand me, I think it is even easy to be thankful for God. It almost makes it seem as though God were like a pair of warm socks on a cold night. Or being thankful for food on a table. Or being thankful for school supplies. What is often harder for me, and maybe for others, is to be thankful to God. I've tried to take some moments over these past few days with out the major distraction of school to really think about what it means to really be thankful to God. I haven't come to any major conclusions and words haven't really formulated for what I think this might mean. However, I am sure that it means recognizing God for all these things that I've found it "easy" to recognize. Big, small, obvious, hidden, challenging and welcoming. It all belongs to God.

So in this season of thanksgiving, what is it that you are thankful for?

Riding the Wave

Hello Friends,

I realized its been a LONG time since I've updated, so I thought I would take a break from my solo week preparation and give an update. I'm currently riding the wave of the final few weeks of the semester. While I could tell you all about it, I think I'll give you a Beach House reminder first....

One of favorite memories from this past summer was the weekend I got to spend in Aptos in a cozy beach house with some of the greatest people I know. We lived a weekend of fun, and ignored most of reality's implications. Here are a few pix (yes, they may be repeats, but I want you to know just how wonderful it was!) 

It was such a great weekend. Before we left our quaint little house we went and soaked up some final few moments at the beach that was a few short blocks from our rental house. I absolutely LOVE the beach, but couldn't HATE the ocean more! Weird, right? Well anyway, a group of my friends were out bobbing waves. I say bobbing because they were past the breaking point, I would see them bob higher and higher every few seconds and then watch the violent waves crash in front of me and barely hit my toes. I HATE jumping waves. I think it is miserable, and I always get motion sick and feel like I'm STILL jumping waves for hours after. 

As I watched all my friends bobbing out there, I somehow got convinced to jump and bob. Remind me always that I hate waves like that! Of course, within 2 waves out in the ocean, a HUGE wave comes up, eats me alive, and I squirm to the surface with seaweed on my face. I HATE the turmoil of jumping waves....it sucks! 

Anway....all this talk on waves because I feel like I'm riding the wave of the final few weeks of the semester... As I happily watched the waves from the security of the sand, I noticed how it would swell up, grow a little bigger, be too big to "hold," then crash over, and calmly ride its way up to the shore. The first of 2 semesters is nearly over. I'm currently swelling with lots of assignments, the most important of which is the preparation for my solo week. I'm swelling, I can handle it, and I'm hoping but kinda knowing that the crash is likely to come. But what I remember from those terrible waves at the beach that day was how they calmly ride to the shore, wet peoples toes and then the whole things starts all over again. At least that's what usually happens. 

Right after this picture was taken: 

A BIG, erm GRANDE wave came and nearly ate us alive while soaking up the beautiful sun in Costa Rica. All we could muster was "Es muy comico," as we scrounged for our blanket, and more importantly, our drinks of choice! Sometimes, you don't know when the big wave is gonna come, sometimes it sneaks up and tries to take your drink with it. Fortunately, right now I know that the big wave is coming, or that it is here. So that means I'm doing all that I can to avoid the tumultuos crash that is inevitable and gearing up for the calm part after. I can't wait for Winter Break and times with family and friends!!! =)

Here, there and everywhere

Time for an update! I've had a few realizations these past few weeks. I'm in week 5 of the Sac State Semester, but week 7 of the program as a whole. Here are my realizations, thus far:

1. The semester is WAY longer than the quarter system. Yes, it seems so obvious. But the pacing of projects, classwork, midterms, regular homework is SO different than the quarter system. If I were in week 5 of a quarter system, I would likely be enjoying a down week between midterms, and with finals looming in the near future, I would be gearing up for that. The semester system is physically a longer length of time, thus bringing a new reality to the phrase "sprint to the finish." If I started sprinting now....I think I might die.... I'm learning how to have more endurance, if you will, when it comes to semesters and making it to the end. 


2. Commuting isn't my favorite thing, but its not my least favorite either. Coming into this year, my dad reminded me of the reality that not everyone has a 5 minute commute all their life, like he has had. I took it as a lesson to be learned. I spend a lot of time in my car. Four days a week, I start my morning half-human driving 45 minutes out to Folsom. Then, I hop in the car and drive 25 minutes to Rancho Cordova where I have some of my classes, and some days I add a trip to Sac State, another 15 minutes. And then at some point, I get to drive home, most days after the sun has gone down. Like I said, I really don't mind it for the most part. There are some days that a commute like this is an okay thing, there are other days (mostly when I'm stuck in traffic) where I go "REALLYYY?!?!?!?"


3. With said commute, I've had a lot to learn about how to make community when a common location isn't one of the elements. As I've raved before, last year was blissful (and especially summer) from the standpoint that everything (other than family, besides brother) was in Davis. I worked here, I had friends here, my church was here, everything was local and so much more easily accessible than I even realized. This year, if I'm not here, I'm there. And new friends might not be from here, but they are from there. It is so weird to not have a hub of people tied to a place. I never really thought that would matter, or be a big deal. 


4. And tied to not having a place to hold our friendship forts down, I think I've realized that I'm still figuring out this whole community at a distance thing. Its hard, because I physically live in the same town, but spreading myself out for the sake of school stretches that idea. I still miss people that are no longer around everyday, miss being able to hang out with family, miss being able to even spend time with my friends that do still live in Davis.... All part of an adjustment! 

You gotta love life. I love how it is constantly changing no matter where we are at on the life timeline. Whether we transplant our selves to an entirely different environment, or choose to invest our time and efforts in new places in the same area... it is all part of an ever changing growth in community. So far, the only way I've figured out to manage this growth is through constant and regular thoughts and prayers for each other, headset phone calls during painfully long commutes, and cherishing the time that we do get to share with each other, whether it be on the phone, in a coffee shop, on skype, at youth group or even just sitting on a couch together!

Calm in the commotion

Cliche or not, life has been a roller coaster lately. In this case, I think it is relevant to think about my own experiences with real-life, loopty-loop, goes-upside-down roller coasters in my life. When I was younger, I HATED roller coasters. Every summer, I would go to summer day camps and going to the local amusement park was always a regular field trip fixture. We always had to sign up for a group of thrill-level so that we were with other kids that wanted to go on similar rides. I ALWAYS signed up for the weak and wimpy group.... we went on the merry-go-round a couple spinny rides and that was it. 

In 8th grade I went on a trip to Disneyland/California Adventure with my mom and brother. It was big news that California Adventure had a roller coaster with an upside down part.... I kept staring at the ride, trying to imagine myself on it, picturing what it might feel like to go upside down... I kept talking to my thrill-seeking brother, and my go-with-the-flow mom. They were going to go on the ride regardless of if I went on or not. They kept trying to pressure me to go.... My mom made me a deal and said that she would give me $20 if I went on it.... (DISCLAIMER: my mom didn't not often use bribery as a form to push my limits! We were in Disneyland, afterall!) 

Well.... next thing I knew I was on the roller coaster, and it was true, I didn't feel the upside down part at all! I felt the thrill and the rush of the loopty-loops, stomach-dropping dips, and fast turns! I learned to love roller coasters, and I made 20 bucks! Not a bad afternoon at all! 

Basically, all you brave blog-readers just got a glimpse into the history of this metaphor of life right now. I'm on the roller coaster of a 1 year teaching preparation program. It really is similar to that initial fear of roller coasters; I stood on the outside and tried to imagine what it felt like. I had the great blessing of having a summer that was completely mellow, as I've so eagerly told Blog world about! Starting this program is just like getting on California Screamin' at California Adventure! All of a sudden, your secured into your train, and BAM! you hit high speeds and the first hill before you know it! 

That is exactly how the program has started. We had our anxious meet and greet among cohort members, and then BAM! we hit full speed, and FAST! I've been feeling the thrills and chills that come with a program built on quickness. So much of that is just adjusting my own personal capacities. I know I'm facing a weekend full of readings, postings, lesson plannings, kids interviewing, movie watching, and much MUCH more in between. However, in the same way that the first "big" roller coaster I went on  was only a quick ride, this program will be over before I know it too. I don't want it to go by so fast that I don't feel the thrills, but at the same time, I know this is just a temporary ride, and if it gets so crazy I want to get off.... the safety harness will keep me in, and it has an end in sight! 

And also some pictures from the past few weeks!

They are in a funny order so don't be picky! just enjoy the fun we've had over the past few weeks! I know I did! 

Cake Boss

Today was my first day of student teaching for my Teaching Credential Program and I had...if I do say so myself... a brilliant analogy. I was talking to my mentor teacher during recess about the students in the class. My mentor teacher has informed me that more than any other year, this seems to be a very diverse year as far as learners and students needs go. She quickly and casually mentioned how there were a lot of layers in this class. In one of my random moments of clarity I called her the "Cake Boss" of the year. The Cake Boss (the guy on TLC that makes crazy cakes for crazy money) takes these random pieces of cake and layers them together with some glue (frosting) and with a little aesthetic care.... BAM you have a castle of a cake. Literally.

I just let it sit for a while, but as I've been thinking about all the change going on in my life and the life of my friends and family.... I realized to some extent, we are all our own Cake Bosses trying to layer the cake of life in a way that looks like a castle. Sometimes... we get gorgeous sculptures of sweet perfection....while other times we get pathetic mounds of cake crumbs mixed in with some sprinkles for some "added" flavor. If life were a bakery, we would all have such different flavors of cake in our shops.

While I'm sure we all could construct a cake of our own, this is my blog, so allow me to bake a cake for you! As much as I like to think change is good.... the actual change SUCKS!  As I've mentioned before, life went through a big change. I'm still at the phase of life (and probably will be for a good majority of my life) in which a new "year" is actually a new August/September marking change, similar to the school year. The short short version of it is that I'm (1) going back to school to get my multiple subject teaching credential and (2) a few friends near and dear to my heart took off for their own adventures. Other secret: I'm a people person, and a cryer... you do the math to figure out how I handle goodbyes!

Let's allow the layer of change to be my cake layer that got a little burnt because no matter how I feel like I prepare, it always feels like I'm just not quite prepared enough... I actually think I did a pretty good job with this particular change. Well, best as I could which has to count for something, right?!

Anyway...there are tons of layers in this cake that were there from before. (Don't over think the baking analogy... it will get tricky) I've got layers for family, being a daughter and sister. A layer for friends, my local family in which God has strengthened the bonds between, I've got the layer of being a student. I've got a layer for being a youth leader. I've got a layer for being me. I've got a layer for all the kids I've met in schools that mean the world to me! The layers of my cake could go on and on....

Basically what I'm trying to get at with this slightly funky Cake Boss analogy is that we are all in charge of trying to construct our own cake. We're learning how to be creative with our cake, trying to give every layer its chance to shine (or just taste really good!) among many, many layers. And the other truth is, most bakers have co-bakers to help them with their cake. We're all helping to make magnificent creations for each other. One cake at a time, we will fill our bakery!

Summer Fun

This summer has happily become known as the "Bum Life" among my friends and I. No one really planned it, but somehow about 75% of us are all without a job or any regular and ongoing commitments to keep our time occupied. It's a good thing that we are all professionals in the filling-unscheduled-time department. So, then, the question begs, what have we done with our time? Lots.

At first I saw this summer as overwhelming without anything going on. I'm very much a person who likes routine and is productive when I have stuff going on regularly. However, slowly but surely, one person at a time, the Bum Life grew.

The Bum Life essentials are: friends with no jobs/time consuming commitments, a minimal budget to be used sparingly on adventures and day trips, a lot of sunscreen, and no agenda for the day.

Here are some picture highlights of this fun summer:

Spent many a beautiful day at the pool soaking up some of God's good rays! (with sunscreen of course!) 

Even tho Dad isn't in it.... celebrated Father's Day with some minor league baseball  and pizza! 

Scootered around Davis to get some french fries from our robot friends at Carl's Jr. 

Played many a game of Phase 10 with some awesome junior highers! Hayley, we miss you!!

Mama Tits came to town so we enjoyed our traditional pepperoni pizza from Cafe Italia! 

The pic is blurry (obviously) but we had fun waiting 14 innings to see the Giant's win! 

And now we make it to the beach house.... 11 friends, 1 bathroom and a ton of good memories! 

This little treasure of a beach was fantastic! Thanks Northern California! 

Best part of vacationing with friends...sharing beds! 

Las Chicas during our last little bit at the beach! 

Went to the drive in! We brought couches and enjoyed ourselves some Cars 2! 

We helped out at the week long day camp at Church! These 2 were fun to lead with! 

And fun to make fun faces with! 

I'm gonna miss this Ice Princess when she leaves for Chicago! 

We had a character night. This pic reminds me that my friends and weird! 

All these fun adventures have reminded me how it isn't necessarily about what you do with those around you (although, I have had some fun, clearly!) but it is about who you get to spend time with. I'm amazed at how God has strengthened this group of friends to the point where it feels like we are all on dysfunctional family and the only thing that makes us function is the love we have for each other. I'm appreciative of all the memories that I've gotten to make this summer during the Bum Life and with all the people that have shared in it with me. To all those that take the time read all the way through, I hope you've been reminded of the good one's in your life during the summer moments! That warm fuzzy feeling great friends give you is really priceless!